How often do you stop yourself from doing something you'd prefer to do, or that you know is the light choice for you? Never, sometimes, or all the time?
When you stop yourself, are you limiting your choices based on what your parents, teachers, religious or other authority figures, friends, or even strangers have decided you should do what they tell you? If you'd prefer to create your life from unlimited choices, ask "What if I gave myself permission?" Then you can choose for you. You may still make the same choice your parents/teachers/authority figures/friends/strangers would have had you make. The difference is that you now have access to unlimited possibilities, free from the limitations other people try to impose on you to control you. After all, who's living your life and who knows what's best for you: them or you?
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What do you do when you're full of energy and ideas, seeking to create wonderful new things?
Do you stay focused on your target? Or are you distracted by the myriad of things you've decided could go 'wrong' and all the people who you know will try and bring you down? Do you experience any physical sensations of dis-ease, in your stomach, head, neck, chest, or anywhere else? If you sense you're being sucked into the vortex of distraction, ask "What will it take for me to be ease?" When you're at ease, you function from elegance: creating the greatest amount with the least effort by following the energy of what's light for you and considering nothing 'wrong,' simply right things you don't yet get. When you meet people for the first time, what do you tell them about you? Do you have a set patter about who you are, what you do, what your title or business is, what the main challenges of your life are, and who else is in your life?
Do you enjoy these conversations? Are they spontaneous and fun? Or are they boring and predictable? Do you find people really listen to them? Or do most people simply wait for a pause in your story to launch their own? How well do you listen to theirs? How much of telling and retelling your story cements it into place? With each retelling, does it become easier for you to create the changes you'd like, or harder? If you'd like something different, ask "What if my life had no story?" What if you woke up every morning like Drew Barrymore in the movie 50 First Dates, with a totally fresh start? Like to play? Then for the next month, whenever you meet someone new, begin by asking them questions until they ask about you. Only then tell something you have never said before, even it it's not yet true. Go on, create your story. How often can you see everything in someone else's universe? You know exactly what they could do different, that if they chose it would create change beyond their imagination?
How many times have you tried to tell, show, coax, persuade, debate, argue, or fight to share your awareness, trying to help them see it, and then choose it? How often has that worked? Always, sometimes, or almost never? If you'd like an easier approach with more dynamic results, ask yourself "What question could I ask here that would lead to the awareness that will create the greatest change?" Then putting aside your hopes and dreams about the change you know is possible, ask the question that comes to mind. It might appear to have nothing to do with the 'issue'. It might be as seemingly unrelated as "Are you looking to change something? If so, just ask and I'll do what I can to help." Then smile and wait until they ask you. Are you willing to wait? Do you like routine? Is that what you strive to achieve? Something comfortable, known and secure? How often do you say "Once I get a system set up, a process in place, everything will be better?"
There's nothing wrong with comfortable, known and routine, when everything in your life is even better than you could imagine. What about when something is not working the way you'd like? Will comfortable, known and routine create the changes you'd like? Or will they set in concrete what's not working? So if you're looking for dynamic change, ask "What could I be or do different today that would help create the life, living and reality I'd really like?" Then notice what comes to mind, and be or do that. 'Different' is not the same as 'differently.' Differently is doing the same thing in different ways. Different is outside anything you have ever considered. What have you not yet imagined that, if you chose it, would contribute to your life? Don't know? Just ask. Are you surrounded by people telling you what is true, what is fake, and what you should stake your life on?
Do you have family, friends, experts and random strangers standing on 360 degrees of any particular issue, presenting you with a dizzying array of information and persuasive propositions? Does any of that help? Or do you feel more confused and hemmed into a reality that doesn't feel quite right? If you'd like to create space and ease when you're being bombarded by so many points of view, ask yourself about each one as it is presented to you "Is this light for me?" You know the breezy sense of space and weightlessness you have when everything is just right, and not the heavy, clunky feeling when something is not quite right and you sense a lie. In other words, if you feel light, it's right for you. If you feel heavy it's not right for you. What if none of these people were wrong? What if each of their points of view were 100% correct...for them? Just because something is right for someone else, doesn't mean it's right for you. Are you surprised or frustrated when people don't listen? How often have you tried to share with your family and friends the amazing things you've spent your time and money learning, only to be disappointed by their lack on interest?
At best, do they smile and nod with glazed eyes and closed ears? At worst do they berate you for wasting your time and money and end their tirade by reminding you that you're stupid? Does this upset you? Do you try harder, or start a debate (um, fight)? Does talking more, longer, or harder ever work at all? What if you could share your insights without saying a word? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if saying nothing was the greatest contribution I could be?" Then shut up, nod, smile, listen and ask questions. It may take only a few minutes — or it may take decades, or indeed a lifetime — for the other person to stop talking and say "You're different. What is that?" And that's your invitaiton to talk. When people ask you for something, how quickly do you respond?
Immediately? As soon as you can? Are you faster when they're clear on what they want and help you out? When you ask for something, what do you expect? Do you enjoy and contribute to the creation process? Or do you get impatient when you don't see results immediately and give up on the whole thing? One of the truths of the universe is "ask and you will receive." Does this say "ask and you will receive immediately, while you kick back and do nothing"? Does it say "ask for something vague and hope to receive what you secretly desire"? No. So if you'd like to take advantage of this universal truth, ask "Am I willing to ask, receive & enjoy contributing to the process?" What if by being clear about your desires, by being willing to do whatever it takes to create them, and by being patient knowing that it may take time for ducks to line up and for kittens to be herded, you received more than you could possibly imagine? Has anyone ever been angry with you to try and distract you from seeing what was true, either so you wouldn't see it, or so they didn't have to look at it?
For example, when you question someone because you sense they were lying. Did they get angry or indignant and say things like "I can't believe you are questioning me?!" Did that make you angry? Do you get angry when people say things about you that aren't true? One useful thing to know about angry is that it can indicate a lie. So next time you feel anger rising, ask yourself "Is there a lie spoken or unspoken here?" You will know. And if you'd like more clarity, stop and ask the other person "What do you mean by that?" Then listen. Asking questions in the face of anger will move you from the auto-response of reaction, to the freedom of action, so you can create what you'd really prefer. Before you call the police on this one, let me ask you: where is your comfort zone? Is it on the stage? Or on the couch?
How many of these are outside your zone: singing loudly, speaking in public, telling your best friend something you know they won't like, doing something you know is morally right but goes against an "authority," saying NO to anyone? What else? What activity makes your heart pound, your hands go clammy and your head think "ooooooooh noooooo....not that!"? That. Whatever that is, that's outside your comfort zone. How much does having a comfort zone help you create the life you'd really like? A lot, a little, or not at all? How much time do you spend thinking about the things you won't do, avoiding situations you think you think might lead you out of your safety zone? And how much fun are you missing out on? Whose life are you living? Yours or someone else's? If you'd like a peak at the possibilities that lie beyond, ask "What if I played outside my comfort zone?" and dip a toe outside it. What's the worse that can happen? People might laugh. And laughing is good, right? So what if you joined in? What's the best that can happen? Well maybe you just might change the world and start living your own life. What makes you angry? Injustice? War? Poverty? Evil? Your partner coming home late from work every night? Your boss or co-workers being stupid and lazy? Your family not being willing to see your point of view about how to make the world a better place? What else?
I'm guessing you'd like to change these things for the better, and you become angry out of frustration, because you think you're supposed to be angry, or from the belief that anger will somehow create the changes you'd like? Will it? Probably not. Two things that anger will create are: stress and toxicity in your body; and resistance and reaction in other people. Will either of these things help you make the changes you'd like? No. They might even make it harder. If you'd like to be free from anger's control, to create what you'd really like, ask "What will anger contribute here?" and then "What else is possible to create the changes I'd like to see?" What if you could see anger for what it is: a distraction? Do you sometimes feel like you have no options? For example, you have NO CHOICE but to look after your elderly parents, make your kids do homework, stay late at the office, cancel your holiday, pay for dinner, host the family at Christmas, get married, get a job, buy a house, have kids, stay at home, take a medicine, follow the rules.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things. It's simply your point of view if you don't like something. If your point of view is that you don't like it, and you'd prefer something else, instead of defaulting to the No Choice version of life, ask "Who or what is limiting my choices?" Once you become clear about whether it's you, or someone or something else limiting your choices, you can ask more questions to create what you'd really like. For example, "What else is possible?" "What will it take for X to show up?" or "What action can I take?" This is a free-will universe, remember? There is always choice. What if you stopped being your greatest limitation? How many coincidences show up in your life? Do you ever say things like "I was just thinking about you, and you called!" "I knew that would happen!" or "I don't know why I came here today, but I found the thing that I've been looking for for ages — at half price!"
Do things fall out of your mouth and people say "How did you knew what I was thinking? I was just about to say that!" How often do you dismiss things that flit across your mind as not possible, not important, or not right, only to find almost immediately that is was the exact thing that was required? Do you wish you'd paid more attention? What if you were way more perceptive than you have ever been willing to admit? Would you now claim, own and acknowledge that talent, and trust you more? If so, next time you notice something flickering across your awareness like a gentle breeze, ask "What am I perceiving here?" and stay present and in the question. What does infinite mean to you? No limit? Endless? Abundant? More than you can imagine?
How many possibilities do you feel you have in your life right now? Lots, a few, not many, or the ones that will make my parents/ teachers/ boss/ partner/ children/ friends/ government happy? Last time I checked with science, it said that we live in a free-will universe and we can choose freely. If that's true, then how can you not have infinite possibilities? Who or what is limiting your choices? You, or someone else? If you'd like to unleash the possibilities in your life, ask "What if I had unlimited possibilities?" You may then need to ask more questions to generate specifics, like time, money, health and so on. This question is simply the first step to flush away your autopilot self-limitation, and to remind you that you always have a choice. Do you have something you'd like to do, but are finding it tough to complete, or perhaps even start?
What's that for you? Pass an exam, get a job, run a business, buy a house, go on a holiday, meet a fun girl/boy to hang out with, have children, exercise, get up in the morning, relax at night, change the world? And what about the not-so-much-fun stuff? For example, tell your parents something they don't know (uh-oh), quit/change schools, quit/change jobs, write something, host something, exercise, tell someone you're moving on, nurse someone in their decline, let go of a loved one, question the accepted narrative? When did you decide life had to be hard and suffered? Would you like a life of fun and ease instead? Ease does not mean laze. It means doing the most complex thing with the greatest joy and to the maximum effect. If so, ask "What if I could do this with ease?" and breeeeeeeathe. Feeling anxious? Worried about something or someone?
Is that yours? Or someone else's? How many people around you do you hear or see fretting about one thing or another everyday? A few, or almost everyone? And even if they're not talking about it, or showing it obviously on their face, can you feel it? Not to mention what you see and hear hourly on the news. So it should be no surprise that even if your life is actually pretty darn amazing, you somehow feel anxious. If you'd like to change that, next time you start to feel or say "What if this X terrible thing happens?" instead STOP, acknowledge how clever you are to be able to pick up all these feelings, and ask "Whose anxiety is this?" If the feeliong lightens, then you know it wasn't yours. Now invite your smile back to the party of life. Do you have someone in your life close to death, or who has just passed? Are you overwhelmed by sadness or buried in mourning? Perhaps you're exhausted by trying to help them hang on? Would you prefer another option?
If so, ask "What if death wasn't what I thought it was?" What if birth and death were two sides of the same coin? Both transitions into something new, unknown, undefined? We honour and celebrate birth. We smile with joy when we see the limitless possibilities of a newborn baby. What if death brought us similar freedom and possibilities? And what if your smile and conscious choice to celebrate and acknowledge the memories of a life lived -- no matter how great or small -- created space and peace for the transition beyond? Could that bring greater ease for you around death? What gift could you be to the person passing? How often have you been told life is a rollercoaster? That you have to take the good with the bad? That without downs there would be no ups?
What if your life had no ups and downs? Do you think you'd flatlined? Have you decided that without the thrill of the up-down rollercoaster you'd be dead? Do you enjoy being down? If not, then ask "What if my life just got better and better? What makes your up times? What makes your down times? Is it what happens? Or is it your point of view about what happens and your willingness to change? What if your point if view was that you could simply choose to be happe, without needing to be unhappy, to experience the difference? What if you remembered to ask "What's rights about this that I'm not getting?" What if happiness were just a choice? You're smart, you work hard, you got good grades at school, you help your family nicely, you've got a great job, everyone says your partner is perfect, your kids are healthy and happy, you've got enough money, a nice place to live, a sexy car, some good investments, and enviable mini-breaks and maxi get-aways a few times a year.
Your life is perfect. And even if you can only claim one or two of these things, you're doing pretty well, right? So what do you do if you have all these things, and yet somehow feel something is missing? There is nothing wrong with these things. They can certainly be fun. So if you have all of these things — or more! — and you're not having fun, perhaps you've made them mean something they're not? If so, ask "What have I misidentified as living?" What if you could enjoy these things as well as create your life the way you'd like? How? Ask another question. How much time do you spend second guessing whether you'll fail at something or not? Do you say "I'd like to do it, but I probably won't be any good" or "I'll give it a go, but I'm sure I won't do very well?" Some of this may be because you think you shouldn't big-note yourself.
How much of it do you end up believing? There is nothing wrong with this point of view. Be aware, that your point of view creates your reality. So if you think you'll be no good, then you're absolutely correct. If you'd like to create a different reality — an expansive, can-do reality full of possibility, then start with a different point of view. Start by asking "What if success were the only option?" What is the definintion of success? That's up to you. How have you defined success? What if by being clear on what you'd truly like as your life and living, then success IS the only option? What applies to you today? Pick any and all of these.
It's my birthday; I had the most amazing cup of coffee; the sky is clear, blue and has fluffy clouds; I'm feeling fit and healthy; I hung out with fun, fabulous people (even if it was online); someone helped me out; I got what I wanted done at work/home; I got my study assignment done on time; I had a delicious sleep; I had a mani/ pedi/ backrub; my favourite shop was having a sale; I helped someone and they smiled; I saw a rerun of my favourite show; my team scored surprising points; I (almost, really!!) got a hole-in-one; the steak was cooked just right; I had a house full of screaming kids; I didn't have a house full of screaming kids; I laughed till I cried; I cried till I laughed; I felt alive; I felt free. None of these apply to you? Then ask "What can I celebrate today?" and think of ONE thing that you saw/ did/ experienced/ created today and CELEBRATE your life. What do you think you can't do? Speak publicly? Learn another language? Speak publicly in another language? Run a business? Lead a team? Understand the law? Change things that are not working for you? Trust what you know in the face of opposition?
Do you tell yourself you're afraid of something? Making a mistake? People laughing at you? Failure? Ruining your life forever and dying alone and poor? Is any of that true? Or are they all just interesting points of view you bought from someone, somewhere, sometime? It doesn't matter where your points of view came from, how well do they serve you? Do they help you create the life you'd really like? If not, ask "What's the value of saying I can't do it?" If there's no value, you are hanging on to that point of view for what reason? What if instead you asked another questions, like "What will it take for me to do this with ease?" What fixed points of view do you have about who and what you have to be/ do/ have/ think in life?
For example, I have to get married because my mother expects it. I can't take a year off school to travel because my father wouldn't like it. I have to get into that organisation because otherwise I'll be a failure. I have to cook dinner every night otherwise I'll be a bad parent. I can't be nice because the tough kids will make fun of me. I can't speak my mind because people will call me a "Karen." I have to believe everything other people tell me or I'll have no friends. Do you spend all your energy, time and money on this hamster wheel? Is it fun? Does it create the happiness you'd like? If not, ask "What could be possible if I changed my point of view?" What if every "I have to" and "I can't" were just points of view that you could change? What point of view would you start with? Are you happy with life? It's okay to say you are. But you probably can't, or won't admit it, right?
What is that? When did you decide that you couldn't be happy and had to be dissatisfied and complain about life? Would you like to have more happiness in life? Will moaning and groaning create it? Or will choosing to be happy create it? If you'd like to find out, ask "What can I smile about today?" and then SMILE and smile some more. You may only find one thing to start with. A really great cup of coffee. A break in the traffic. A clear blue sky. So SMILE. You can also smile at the not-so-great stuff. Illogically restrictive regulations. SMILE. Unable to see family or friends. SMILE. Lost your job. SMILE. After a while, like magic, your sense of happiness will expand and you'll see more and more great stuff in life. Previously unthought of possibilities emerging like new grown weeds from a scorched earth. You may even infect others with your choice to choose happiness, and would that be something to smile about? They're up in the air of course. Or are they? If you're standing on your head, then wouldn't your feet be on your head?
How many things in your life are like this? Beliefs based on assumptions? You've heard it from your family, your friends, your government, your doctors, or saw it on TV, so of course it's true! Right? What if some, many, or even all your assumptions about how the world functions were different to what you thought? What if everything was the opposite of what it appeared to be and nothing was the opposite of what it appeared to be? So next time you'd like clarity about something you have assumed must be certain, ask "If I'm standing on my head, where are my feet?" You may find they are indeed in the air. Or they may be on your head. Maybe you checked them into the cloakroom. Or perhaps you never had feet to begin with? |
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